Obsidian and Many Masks

An Everway Tale

[As told to the heroes by Ploughshare the farmer, in the realm of Tales.]

I too have a tale of a powerful mage who was undone by his hunger for power, in his case quite literally. His name was Obsidian. He was your typical monomaniac - no sorcery too great for his challenge, no sacrifice too great for his knowledge, blah, blah, blah.

I think his wizard's tower must have been on the small side, if you get my meaning, because he had an unpleasant habit of picking fights with his fellow mages, considering combat to be the only true proof of his mettle. So like a man. He even tried to take on the legendary lame Nemesis, she who is a living Gate and has a foot stuck forever in another land to fulfil an ancient curse, but she had the sense not to rise to his challenge.

Now magical fights are all very well, but they don't half make life difficult for people like me who are trying to scratch an honest living from the land. And when one of Obsidian's fireballs went astray during his fight with the Crimson Mage of Crom and killed all poor Farmer Leafmould's cattle, leaving her in penury, the farmers got together and decided to do something about this magical menace. They went to see Many Masks at her cottage and begged her to do something.

And Many Masks said "No. I'm retired. Go away."

But the farmers begged and begged, and when another of Obsidian's fireballs singed a corner of her garden, she said "Oh very well, I'll deal with this Obsidian for you. But - you are going to provide me with all my food for the rest of my days, and a handsome young man to cook it for me. And another handsome young man will come every day and sweep my house and dig my garden. And another handsome young man will come every day and attend to all my other physical needs. Make sure that he's got a good pair of nail scissors."

Then Many Masks searched through the spheres and found a powerful being. Some say that it was the Dragon who Hates Humanity ["She means Alurax," says Wormwood in a stage whisper.]. Others, a Spirit of Mischief, Loki or Coyote perhaps ["Now that's very interesting..." begins Wormwood, but Quill shushes him]. And she suggested an idea to the being, which, being amused by her presumption, agreed to her request.

Next, Many Masks created many images of herself and climbed a crag next to Obsidian's rather small tower. When Obsidian appeared at the window she started capering and dancing, making rude noises and raising her skirts to shake her bare buttocks at him. "Ha ha, you'll never get me!" she said.

Obsidian got angry, and called up a mighty whirlwind which carried Many Masks far, far away. But it was only an image, and Many Masks soon appeared again, capering and showing her bottom once again.

Then Obsidian called up a thunderbolt which blasted Many Mask off the crag and sent her tumbling to the ground below. But it was only an image, and Many Masks soon appeared once again "Ya, ya," she yelled, "is that the best you can do? Even my farts have more power than that!"

Then Obsidian summoned a great snake that slid up the crag and swallowed Many Masks whole. But as soon as it was gone, back came Many Masks, right as rain.

Obsidian tried everything to get rid of the annoying mage. He summoned demons to tear her limb from limb, called forth might tidal waves to drown her, dropped great rocks on her head. But it did no good - back Many Masks came, every time.

Eventually, Obsidian had tried every spell in his spellbook, all to no avail. By now he was absolutely furious, and he went raging through the spheres, crying "I'll give my kingdom, my heart, my soul, anything to someone who can give me the power to defeat this woman!"

Then the being whom Many Masks had talked to came to him and said "I will give you power to defeat your enemy - but I must make a few small adjustments to your body first. Don't worry, it won't hurt a bit."

Obsidian was so desperate to prove his virility that he agreed, not stopping to wonder why the being had not asked for any sort of payment. Anyway, a great vortex of power whirled out of the being and struck Obsidian full in the stomach - oof! - knocking him out. When he came to, the being was gone and in his belly was a great gnashing mouth, full of sharp yellow teeth. "Feed meee," it said.

"Not until after we've defeated Many Masks", said Obsidian, and set off to find her.

Many Masks was still capering on the crag when Obsidian got back. "I have you now, woman!" said Obsidian and came striding towards her.

Many Masks fired off the illusion spells that had befuddled Obsidian before, but the mouth in his stomach went heeeeyooup!, and sucked in the magic and swallowed it whole.

Then Many Masks created multiple images of herself until she was surrounded by illusions, but as Obsidian drew closer the mouth swallowed up each one. Heeeyoucop!

As fast as Many Masks created her spells, the mouth ate them, until there was left just one old woman frantically gesturing to cast an illusion that would save her. Obsidian, laughing delightedly, struck her down with his staff.

And the mouth in his stomach said "Feed meee". At the same time, gnawing pangs of hunger struck Obsidian, worse than he had ever felt before. "Very well," he said, we'll have a victory meal when we get back to the castle."

"No!" said the mouth. "Feed me on her!"

"Very well," said Obsidian, and cut up Many Mask's body and fed it to the mouth which ate it in great slavering gulps, hyeoucorrhh, hyeoucorrhh, hyeoucorrhh!

Eventually the body was all gone, and although the hunger had subsided somewhat, Obsidian was still ravenous. So he headed back to his tower and ordered his servants to kill and roast a whole boar, which he had been saving for his marriage feast with Gentle Dove, a beautiful sorceress who lived nearby. Obsidian had not attacked Gentle Dove because he fancied himself to be in love with her, and he thought that she would fall in love with him when he proved himself the most powerful wizard in the world. Don't ask me where men get these ideas from...

Anyway, by the time the servants had cleaned the hog and stuck it on the fire to roast, the hunger pains had returned. "Feed meee!" said the mouth in his stomach.

Such were the pains that Obsidian could not wait for the boar to finish, but pushing the servants aside with an oath, he ripped off still bleeding chunks of flesh and stuffed them into his mouth, washing them down with ale straight from the barrel. But as fast as Obsidian put the food and drink in his normal mouth, the mouth in his stomach spat them out, leaving a great pile of masticated meat gobbets and spilt beer on the floor.

"What are you doing?" cried Obsidian.

"That's not what I want! Feed me mage flesh!" said the mouth.

Then Obsidian swore and raged, and set off for Gentle Dove's tower, for his hunger had driven away his imagined love. He approached and without so much as a challenge attacked the tower with great thunderbolts, planning to rip it apart as you would crack a lobster to reach its soft flesh.

It was then that he discovered that the mouth in his stomach was not choosy about the source of the spells it ate. Yes, every single thunderbolt that Obsidian produced was swallowed by his own stomach, hooowurrrp! Gave him spectacular heart-burn, it did. Didn't assuage the hunger though.

Then Gentle Dove counter-attacked with spells of fire and darkness, but the mouth swallowed those as well. So seeing that none of her spells were effective and that Obsidian had no magic of his own, she simply ordered her tower shut up and sent out guards armed with spears and swords, who drove the wizard away.

Then Obsidian gnashed his teeth with rage, and the stomach-mouth gnashed its teeth with hunger. With heavy steps, he turned towards his own tower, knowing that he would not be refused and that his own apprentices would be there. "Yes," said his belly-mouth. "They are small mages, but mages nonetheless and they will fill the void."

But it was not to be, for a little wraith had entered Obsidian's tower and found the apprentice's quarters. "Flee!" it said. "Your master comes to eat you!" And the apprentices believed it, for they recognised the ghost of Many Masks, whom their master had killed.

All fled save one, Graven Image, who, more fearless than the rest and certainly more foolish, waited to see what her master had become.

When Obsidian entered his hall, he fell upon Graven Image with desperate hunger, but neither her defensive spells nor his attacking ones had any effect for they were all eaten. When Graven Image saw that the situation was hopeless she turned and fled, and her swiftness saved her. Obsidian was left alone in his tower.

"I am starving!" moaned the mouth-stomach. "FEEED MEEEE!"

"I'm starving too", said Obsidian. "And it's all your fault. You keep eating my spells. I can't get you any more mages!"

"I can't help my nature," said the mouth. "Anyway, you're wrong. There is one mage that I can eat..."

And with that, it bit down hard on the mage's own foot, chmmmp! and swallowed a toe.

"Tasty," said the mouth. "I think I'll have a bit more of that." And it bit off a foot. "Scrumptious!" said the mouth as it chomped on the rest of the leg. "Sure you don't want some?" Obsidian didn't reply as he was too busy screaming.

"Would you like some more? Don't mind if I do," said the mouth, and tore off the other leg. Obsidian's screams rose higher and higher. This irritated the mouth, which bit off Obsidian's head, savouring the delicious jelly of the brains as the skull crunched beneath its teeth.

After that there was no stopping it. It devoured through both arms, spitting out the rings on the fingers, pah!, pah!, then started on the internal organs. It didn't like the heart, which was a bit chewy, but the liver and kidney were divine, and it sucked up the intestines like spaghetti, hyeeeeeoooooouuuup! The wizard's big fat rump was tremendously satisfying, which made up for the rather inadequate size of the genitals."Ah haggis! I always like to save the best for last," remarked the mouth as it started on the stomach.

Eventually it was almost done. "Just one little morsel more, and I shall be replete." So saying, it ate its own lips, teeth and tongue and went "pop!" out of the existence.

And that was the end of Obsidian. Though some say that if you visit his deserted tower, you can still hear those chattering teeth in the darkness, moaning and biting and ever hungry for magery...

And Many Masks - well, she crawled out of the cave where she had hidden - magic-less now, for she had given all her power to her last and greatest image which Obsidian had killed - and was borne away by cheering villagers. And she lived in her hut, with a handsome young man to cook for her, and a handsome young man to clean and dig for her, and a handsome young man to tend to all her other physical needs, for the rest of her days.